Today is an amazing day because today is Park Jimin’s day!
I’m sure you already know how much Jimin means to me, how much BTS in general, means to me (unless you’re new to my blog then in that case, welcome!)! so it excites me to be able to celebrate this day with him.
Park Jimin is an outstanding and exceptional man not just cause of his looks but also his beautiful words and here today, to tell us how Jimin, through his words and songs, has helped to love and appreciate herself more, is Monica!!!
This is Monica’s second time on this blog. Y’all probably remember her from the post I can’t stop talking about, Seven Men and Their Deeds! I love her writings and I’m positive you love them too from all the positive comments you all left the first time she was here. I’m very very excited to have Monica here again and of course, with another beautiful piece. Shall we?!
“Park Jimin’s Journey in Self Love”,
The documentary that saved me from myself. Park Jimin, the man that spearheaded my deliverance.
That night in March 2021 as I ran out of tears, I was not in search of healing nor was I in search of a solution for my constant self deprecation and near-depression. I only needed, for a brief moment, to get away from myself and my world which had suddenly become all dark and depressing. Nothing seemed to work as everything had lost its meaning; not the instagram that was hitherto, my place of solace and certainly not twitter that at that moment bore more boredom than was necessary. I somehow found myself on Youtube exploring performances at the Grammys and upon youtube’s recommendation, I soon stumbled on BTS’ Dynamite video. Little did I know what great gift awaited me at the end of the video and thereafter. The magic happened – I smiled again! At the burst of colour and at the general aesthetics before my very eyes – they were absolutely beautiful! But there was a particular wonder that caught my attention. I had never seen any like him nor heard a voice like his. It had to be the voice of an angel for it soothed my soul; and the face of an angel for it calmed my nerves. So I went on a journey seeking out this angel. At the end of my sojourn I found 7 angels instead but this particular angel struck me differently – there was more to him that agreed with my soul. I was right afterall because he was destined to catch me in my lies!
Caught in a Lie
“The reason why I have had a hard time these days is… that I can’t do it well. As hard as I try, I can’t do it well.” ” Others could say that it is not a big deal, but that one thing makes me feel guilty and I get so stressed out because of that one thing.”
That was not me talking! It certainly was not me. It was my angel’s thoughts about himself, about why he was having a hard time. But the statement pierced my soul. Who was this soothsayer and why was he succinctly capturing everything that was the reason for my near-depressed state at that point of my life? I really could not do it well no matter how hard I tried or so I thought. Nothing was working and all my plans were falling through. What’s more, everyone I shared this with thought it was not a big deal and thought I was either overreacting or pretending. But here is this angel whom I had never met in my life, putting into words the very things I had struggled to tell and understanding me even before I told him anything. Tears streamed down my face as I realised that there was at least one other person in this whole world who understood me and although I fancied him to be an angel, he is human after all.
Human enough to tell and believe lies about himself. Human enough to catch himself before he went too deep in those lies. Human enough to evaluate himself and rewrite the lies he had told about himself; yet angelic enough to share his journey of revaluation and realisation of self worth with me. So he said to me, “after meeting friends, …there was something that I realized, situation can be miserable, let’s not make myself miserable, let’s not insult myself”. Situation may have caused me to believe I could not do it well. I need not insult myself and call myself useless because I can indeed do it well. I am more than everything I thought myself to be and my angel helped me realise it.
He went further, he also told me to stop pretending and to be myself when he said about himself, ‘I think I wanted to appear like a strong man. Now, I don’t have to pretend, I can just be myself.” He told me to stop pretending to be perfect. I was obsessed with being the perfect daughter, friend and staff and while I strove at this perfection, I was slowly and carefully chipping away from my soul. I was losing my essence; I was losing myself. I no longer did things for myself. I set the highest standard for myself and beat myself up when I was not able to meet those standards. It took Park Jimin to help me realise this. So he made me promise him…
At the concluding part of the documentary, when for the first time, I heard Jimin say, “Remember there is someone in the city of seoul who understands you”, nothing ever prepared me for the double portion of tears that followed and the sudden feeling of a burden being lifted off my chest. For the first time, I knew for certain that I was not alone with my challenges; that there was someone who was there to help me get out of that situation. So when he made me promise that I would be my light, so that I would no longer be hurt and so that my smile could be restored; and that even when I feel lonely several times a day, I will not throw myself away no matter what! I took that seriously because there is no disappointing my guardian angel!
Thus began my journey towards self love and appreciation. Even though my worries persisted, with the assistance of a certain seven angels, I learnt to separate my problems from myself. I got up in the morning and did everything I always wanted to do: I joined a dance school; I became more vocal on social media; I stopped obsessing over perfection as I began to become more selfish; I started to write again. What is more, I started to speak up more for myself and I began to believe in myself and in my potential. It took Park Jimin and his story of self love to get me on that path.
I am yet to arrive at my desired destination but Park Jimin and his beloved six brothers have since held on tight to my hand as they lead me on this journey and it has been a helluva ride.
I’m gonna cry cause why is this so spot on?🥺
I really enjoyed reading this! Infact, I couldn’t stop reading till the very last word. Monica’s writings are always filled with raw emotions that compels you to keep going.
I really really appreciate her and I’m glad we could celebrate Jimin together in this way.
Happy birthday to Park Jimin, an actual angel 😇 ✨. I hope he’s always happy and that he continues to touch more lives with his kind words and actions. Stay blessed boo!💜
Make sure to credit her if you want to share it anywhere. Thank you again Monica for taking time to do this! Love youuuu💜💜💜
I really hope you all enjoyed this post! Please let me know what you think in the comments! Byeeeee🤍
I also wrote another birthday post on our Army Collab blog, if you’d like to read it, Click Here