THE ANSWERS TO YOUR ONE-SIDED PROBLEMS!

Heyyyyyyyyyy It’s Ib!!!!!!!!!!

*people start screaming*

Yass Yass Yass that’s the spirit!

I have good news and also bad news but let’s start with the good news cause it leads to the bad news…sadly. Anyways, the good news issssssssss

Your girl is done with driving school!!!!!

Yes, that’s how excited I am😂

Anyways, bad news is I can’t get my license till like next month so I have to carry that L-plate at the back of my mum’s car before I can drive outside and for those of you that have been driving, you know that no one respects that L-plate, infact when they see it, they try to avoid you as best as they can cause no one wants to risk driving behind or in front of some hormonal teenager who can’t hold the steering wheel well (not saying that’s me or anything).

I’m actually pretty confident in my driving. I had 4 weeks of training which for me was, 2 weeks of training and the remaining 2, just cruising with the instructor’s car. I’m badass behind the wheels, seriously.

You know that scenario when they see that “oh it’s a learner” and they’re trying to like overtake you. I never let that happen…NEVER! He’s swerving? I’m swerving because no one overtakes “The IB!” I’m slow? Bear with it!

On a serious note though, I’m a sweetheart behind the wheel…..not.

Okayyyyy, so we talking One-sided relationships….friendships….situationships…every ship that exist. I told you guys to send in questions on one-sided ships but for some strange reason, everybody be asking about their relationships sooooo Introducing the blog guests!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Also, the first 4 questions were from one person😂😂. @Anonymous, I think you should leave your relationship cause you’re frustrated.

Let’s get into it, then!

1. How do I get over the fear of commitment?

Danielle: Omo I don’t know oh😂 but I think you should take it to God on prayer .

Elvis: If you ever want to get over the fear of commitment, first you need to choose the right partner, because once you have the rightful partner trust me commitment wouldn’t be hard, people tend to make mistakes of going for just anybody and at the end of the day they regret ever entering a relationship or being committed, another thing you have to do is to push aside old habits, because when you have a partner there are things we are limited to do because of that commitment we have made, sometimes it’s hard but we have to bear it because it’s a relationship we are sworn to and we have to keep the promise going.

Leo: Honestly, you can’t actually. cause sometimes the person you are in a relationship with, will want more than just your attention and somehow your conscience will be judging you based on what you are about to do. If it is right or wrong.

Ronke: I feel like if he is “the one” then there shouldn’t be fear. Like, if you are extremely ‘in love’ with someone, you would be anticipating commitment. You want to spend your entire life with that person, that’s what marriage is about isn’t it? Just know that if you are scared to commit to someone, that person isprobably not for you.

2. I have a boyfriend but I keep accepting people into my life with the excuse of “no one knows tomorrow”. Am I normal?

Danielle: You’re not normal😂. It’s two things, either you don’t truly love him or he’s not making you feel like he loves you as much as you feel he should and the best thing is to talk to him about it. I personally don’t encourage any form of cheating lol.You find a way to sort it out or you end things, simple.

Elvis: It depends on the relationship you have with those people, if it’s just a normal friends relationship you offer them then it’s totally normal to accept people into your life, but when you deviate from just being friends into something more intimate while you have a boyfriend then it’s wrong because not only are you disrespecting your partner but you’re also breaking that promise of commitment you made, so I suggest you limit the relationships you have with people and set boundaries when need be.

Leo: To me, you are abnormal😅 cause why accept someone when you know you won’t be loyal and true to him/her.

Ronke: Honestly, I get you. I don’t believe in exclusive relationships at this age. You are not committed to anyone until they offer the ring pls. So if you are a teenager and you know you are not in serious relationship, yep that’s extremely normal. There is no need for exclusivity. But if you are older and you know that you are in a SERIOUS (could lead to marriage) relationship, ko normal.

3. How can I tell off someone without letting him know I have a boyfriend?

Danielle: Just nicely say you’re not ready to be in a relationship.

Elvis: If you want to tell off someone without letting him know you have a boyfriend first thing you need to do is set boundaries, if those boundaries are crossed then let him know what he’s doing wrong, also let him know you’re not ready for anything other than just being friends and let your intentions be known, if he still persists then tell him your mind and if need be break the friendship.

Leo: This is a tricky one. Most guys will always pickup a question about your relationship status to know if you are taken or not. So at this point there’s no choice but to come clean.

Ronke: Why don’t you want him to know?? Anywho, the best thing is let him down slowly *insert song by Alec Benjamin* Just tell him “I am not interested” (please don’t be rude about it).

4. Is it right to tell a new date that I already have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Danielle: Yeah, if you want to. Decision is on you baby.

Elvis: Yes it’s right, i believe honesty is the best policy and it’s better to be honest from the start rather than later, I advise you tell them if you have a boyfriend so as not to lead them on and to know their real intentions towards you, some might back off when you tell them, while some persists, on the other hand some of them could just want your friendship.

Leo: No at all. It’s wrong to talk about your relationship status on a date you accepted.

Ronke: It can never be right, never. You are automatically telling the person that he\she is side boo. Warris dat?

5. How do I tell when the relationship I’m in is one-sided?

Danielle: When you’re the only always calling, texting, like generally when you’re the only one doing most of the checking up, if the other person is always giving excuses not to see you and all, When you guys fight or something you’re the one always trying to reconcile and the other person is nonchalant about shii, I guess.

Elvis: A one sided relationship is often easy to identify, sometimes people just don’t see it, or perhaps they just don’t want to, when you’re in a one sided relationship you’d notice that the effort in keeping the relationship only comes from one person, the energy you give in isn’t reciprocated and there is lack of communication from the other person, most times people refer to these kind of relationships as toxic because there’s nothing beneficial about it, nothing to be happy about.. you find yourself doing the whole work in the relationship, sometimes even when you’re right in an argument you still apologize, the other partner is totally unbothered about your feelings, that’s how you identify a one sided relationship.

Leo: Basically when one is given the most attention lately and the other seems to loose interest in the relationship.

Ronke: You are always texting him first. He doesn’t really care about what you have to say. He acts like you are bothering him. Everything is just about vibes mehn. If you feel like the vibe is off, there is a 97.2% that something is wrong. God gave us this intuition for a reason, make use of it.

6. How do I confront my friend if I feel like she/he isn’t reciprocating my feelings?

Danielle: You simply go straight to the point . I’m very straightforward when it comes to things like this, just be like “oh lets talk ….so I feel like you’ve not been reciprocating my feelings” and then you explain how. Then depending on their reply, you’d know if you’re to stay or japa.

Elvis: Just let them know what they are doing, pour out your mind and try to sort things out, ask what’s wrong and most importantly ask them if they still want the relationship/friendship, sometimes these things are hard to say, so rather they just start acting up…if after your mind has been poured out they still continue in that direction then I advise you leave the friendship/ relationship and just move on.

Leo: Well you can’t force someone to like you . But still walk up to the person and speak what’s on your mind.

Ronke: Confront who? Don’t be doing such. See, if you have told someone you like them, and they don’t feel the same way, there is only one thing you can do. Collet your L and be on your way. You will still have your dignity and self-respect.

7. If a guy/girl cheats on their partners, is that one-sided to you? Cause someone that really likes you won’t cheat, right?

Danielle: There is no excuse for cheating …the person obviously fell out of love and didn’t know how to say it or something and ermmm some people are very crafty, in the sense that they can make the relationship not look one sided dyg ?! So you might not really notice on time, that they’re cheating .

Elvis: Relationships differ and so do people, someone could love you very much and still cheat on you, it’s all about the mindset.. No, cheating doesn’t mean the relationship is one sided, just like I said earlier, someone could love you, care for you, care about your well being and still cheat, different people with different mindsets.

Leo: Yeah, most likely, someone that really likes you wouldn’t cheat cause the person will remain loyal and true to his/her self.

Ronke: I feel like a one-sided relationship might have led to the cheating. Because obviously, you can be extremely into him, but if he doesn’t like you, chances are that he will look outside for the chemistry that he is missing.

8. What do I do if I’m ready to date and the guy/girl gives an excuse like “I’m afraid of commitment”?

Danielle: Erm😂😂 just explain to them that you’re ready and they should just give it a try….. but if they insist that they’re not ready for commitment, please move😂 cause its either they don’t want to date you and they’re hiding under the “not ready for commitment canopy” or they’re actually not ready baby.

Elvis: I believe anyone who wants to enter a relationship should be ready to commit, because it’s not a relationship if there’s no commitment.. Dating a person who is afraid or is not ready to commit might complicate things later in the relationship, because they would at one point need that freedom they once had which leads them in doing things that aren’t healthy for the relationship.. so my advice is to give them time, talk things out before entering the relationship and know what they truly want.

Leo: At this point, we are mature enough to understand the situation that, not everybody commits to one another for the sake of love, some just wanna vibe with you and some just wanna be close to you.

Ronke: As I said before, if someone really likes you, they want to be with you. I feel like the fear of commitment stems from the fact that you don’t think your partner is enough for you, and thus, you are scared that your chances to search the market are closing. So pls, if someone gives you the excuse that “they are scared of commitment”, collect the L and move on mehn.

9. Is it fair to act on pity with the hope that you eventually like the person during the course of the relationship?

Danielle: Honestly, I don’t think it’s right. You could nicely tell them that you guys shouldn’t rush into things and lets see how you both grow together as friends before taking the friendship to a relationship level .

Elvis: Well no it’s not fair, not to the person and to yourself either, I advise you be direct with your emotions, what if you don’t end up liking them after all? You’d have led them on to falling deep for you which is worse.. I advise you be direct, let them know how you feel, it’s better for them to feel hurt when it’s not really deep than when it has gotten deep and you break it off, and you shouldn’t deprive yourself of love, if you don’t love someone don’t act on pity for them, it’s not healthy.

Leo: Not fair actually, cause you entering a relationship, you must show that you’re willing to love. Not a situation whereby you will start catching feelings during the relationship.

Ronke: No.

10. Why is it that girls are mostly blamed in one-sided relationships? Like if the guy acted on pity, they’ll say that she was probably pestering, if the girl acted on pity, they’ll say all girls are mean?

Danielle: I’ve not heard this one before. Please nobody should remain in a one sided relationship once you see that red flag, talk about it, if there’s no way to fix it just end it❤️.

Elvis: Well sadly, we live in a generation where people don’t make things easy for the women, but sometimes that’s not the case, both parties are often accused on the same issue and sometimes even the guys get the most of it, often times the girls too, it’s a 50-50 thing if you ask me.

Leo: Cause most times guys aren’t trusted even though they are telling the truth, they believe that some guys are just self-centered and they can hurt them anytime so they use that mind to go do something that will affect the relationship. Not knowing the guy is been loyal and true.

Ronke: I feel like this question is similar to “why is it that when guys sleep around, they get praised and if girls do the same, they get insulted as slut shamed”. All I can say is that the society we live in does not balance at all. There is a HUMONGOUS double standard that exists between genders and its just very unfortunate.

To be honest, from my point of view, don’t enter into anything one-sided and don’t let anyone treat you like you’re begging them to be your friend or to be with you, you know. Love the people that love you and push aside the people that push you aside, alright?

Also, communicate.

Communication is Everything…

If you’re feeling some kinda way, spill it. If you think someone is being unfair to you or is not treating you right, talk about it because you never know, the person might be going the something tough and it’s reflecting on his/her behavior. So don’t be quick to judge or conclude, always speak first!

Alright, enough of that stuff, so I’m really really happy with how far this blog is going and how much you guys are engaging, with respect to the views and I so so much wish that I could like speak to most of you and know your POV of my blog but sadly, on this site, all that shows is the views so if you guys want to engage with me (cause I want to engage with you) , then you can dm me on Instagram (@ibu_kunnnn or @_itsib) or on Twitter (@ibu_kunnn). Really looking forward to meeting you! 🤗

Alsooooooooooo, before I forgetttttttttttt!

Guys, I’m so happy for America! And for all black girls and women, seeing Kamala Harris up there just makes me so proud wipes tear, so to all black ladies out there working hard and standing out (aka me and you), this is to us!

If you want to also get to know the blog guests for today, their social media handles are just down below!

Danielle: IG: @danielle.nsp
SC: @daniyelle123
Twitter: @Danielle.nsp

Elvis: IG HANDLE: Crave_el
TWITTER: Itz_costello
Snapchat: Elvis Michael

Leo: Snapchat: @bluszn25
Instagram: @bobby.leeo

Ronke: Ig: @ronke_ajisola. YT: @Ronke Ajisola

Till next week guys, drops ink